APs who adopted from foster care, have your views changed?

Question by Sunny: APs who adopted from foster care, have your views changed?
Have your views about infant adoption changed? Do you disagree with newborn adoption, or did you just want to adopt older children more than an infant?

Curious…

Best answer:

Answer by Kristi Howard
As with any adoption, I only agree with it when it is ABSOLUTELY the best and ONLY recourse that a child would have compared to living with their biological parents and/or family.

Oklahoma has a lot of meth addicted people. They are finding meth labs and taking away newborns from those homes almost daily here.

If those people can’t/don’t/won’t get their heads on straight and clean up for their children, nor would any family associated with them, then I know that you could not honestly say that staying with them, just on the basis of a genetic bond, is in that child’s best interests.

Myself, we wanted to adopt children that were older, because we know that younger children and infants have a better chance of being placed. Older doesn’t mean less deserving to receive love and comfort and a home.

I have never agreed with the abusive practices of private and agency adoptions, where they tend to convince a 16 year old woman that because of her age, she is not able to parent, and forces her decision because they have made her believe she was not capable.

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2 thoughts on “APs who adopted from foster care, have your views changed?”

  1. I agree with Kristi. No one should be pressured into giving up a child for adoption, but if that child is taken for legitimate reasons and the parents don’t improve their lives then the child deserves to be adopted into a good family.

  2. No, my view has not changed. I think if the biological parent, the agency and the adoptive parents all operate in good faith, then it is no one’s business.

    If an agency is not operating in good faith, then it should be fined and closed down and the director and responsible parties should face criminal charges.

    And after working in foster care and at different social service and legal positions for almost 20 years, I am even more convinced that there are children who need to be adopted and that a child of 13, 14, 15 or 16 can not parent effectively and that adoption should not only be an option but also be encouraged.

    Granted, I *might* be a little cynical, but after watching train-wreck after train-wreck over the years, there will never be enough “support” that will save some “families.” And after seeing children cry, parents cry, grandparents cry, (but not seeing them really do anything to change the situation), I can’t help but think that those children deserve to be in a family that isn’t so screwed up. And when you see this cute little girl, who use to chase your son around when he was in second grade, now standing in front of a judge because she got caught dealing, and her “parents” are NOWHERE to be seen in the courtroom, you just have to wonder how much different, and yes, better off that child would have been had she been given up for adoption as a newborn.

    As for wanting to adopt from foster care, my preference was always for an older child because I thought it was a darn shame that so many kids were in the system and who wouldn’t be adopted because of their age. But the first child I was matched with, who was 12 and “Hispanic, didn’t want to be adopted and thought that when his cousin turned 18, he could go live with her. So even though he was told that this couldn’t happen, he would not give up on that belief and the agency decided after only three visits that maybe he wasn’t “adoption ready.” The second child was 14 and African-American and it looked for a long time that it was going to go well and then his biological cousin got a hold of him and he decided to go crazy and started to run away and skip school and causing trouble. Again, the agency decided to put a stop to the visitations even though I was willing to keep trying. In the end, I adopted my two little guys who had been in my care for over a year. Ideally, I would have liked my sons to have been closer in age but it has worked out. I still prefer older kids. There is a sibling set of girls that I really like but because they are 13 & 5, I can’t adopt them because there is only one bedroom and children have to be age matched in order to share a room in my state. (Age matched means within 3 years of age)
    So, my preference has never been for an infant but if I got offered one, right now, I would take him or her but I would prefer an older child…. or an extra bedroom. I honestly think I would like the extra bedroom more though.

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