Is there really a difference between anti-adoption and pro-reform?

Question by Zuko: Is there really a difference between anti-adoption and pro-reform?
I haven’t been around in awhile, but taking a look around today, I’ve seen a lot of downing on the anti-adoption bias on these boards.

I know that I personally think the system needs a HUGE re-boot… but I also know that I’m not anti-adoption.

My question is for the other side of these boards… I’m wondering if you guys see a difference between anti-adoption and pro-reform or if they’re essentially the same to you.

Also, for those of you who ARE happy with your experiences, is there anything you would change about the adoption system?

I’m just curious… and I’m honestly not trying to be snarky or start a Y!A battle.

Best answer:

Answer by tish
sure there’s a difference. and it’s not as nuanced as many wish to make it. the bottom line: most SUPPORT ethical adoptions of kids who are in need of famiies.

what many of us are critical of, is the trend of finding babies for people who can’t have them, at the expense of fmother and adoptee loss and explotation.

also, it’s almost becoming consumerism when people are trying to “special order babies”, claim babies in the wombs of other women, manipulate biology and science to get a kid, and turn a blind eye to the racism, corruption (just look at guatamala), profit, greed and entitlement in the industry, all in the name of “having a baby.”

in other words, if adoption is for kids who need homes (and not contrived situations like, poverty, youth or marital status) most are fine. but when there is a “demand” for a certian type of child, over others; or coercive practices employed to ensure a successful placement, with limited “birthmother interference”; or when women are made to feel like breeders and are left with limited choices other than renting their uterus to meet their mortgage, it gets a bit nasty.

Add your own answer in the comments!

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11 thoughts on “Is there really a difference between anti-adoption and pro-reform?”

  1. I think there is a big difference between anti-adoption and pro-reform. Obviously the whole system needs an overhaul, in all areas of the adoption arena.
    However, there is often a percentage of anti-adoption advocates who are also pro-reform, and I think this is where it can sometimes get confused and melded together. It is fine to be pro-reform but when in the same post people use derogatory terms or comments that are mean and hurtful about infertility issues or generalize that all APs are selfish, babysnatching, babycrazy, etc, it is hard to separate the very valid argument about adoption reform from the angry venom being spewed. It actually hurts the argument that reform is needed and focuses on a the posters anger only.
    It is like someone trying to convert you to their religion by calling you names, making fun of what hurts you the most, and then telling you to shut up.

    I am not happy with the adoption experience at all. There should have been better intervention for my son and daughter and their mother.
    There should have been more knowledgable social workers. There should have been better contact established between my kids mom and the previous fostercare provider so that they could have had a chance. Someone should have listened when my son was suffering so much in fostercare and someone should have offered more support to his mom while she was growing in fostercare herself. The whole fostercare system needs an overhaul.

  2. I support adoption and am happy with my experiences…
    I definitely think there’s a difference between being anti adoption and pro reform. If you were anti-adoption how could you be for reform? You wouldn’t care enough about it to reform it if you were against it.

    That being said there are things I would change:

    1. I think parents adopting internationally need to undergo mandatory training or courses on how to deal with adopting a child from a different race and/or culture so they can deal with it better.

    2. I think there should be more post adoption support. As in available counseling for everyone involved.

    3. I think all adoptions should be run through the state rather than privately owned adoption agencies.

    There are other things, but those are my main issues with the system.

  3. I’m not domestic so I’m neutral towards the sealed records issue and the need for reform.

    Many of the issues that are affecting tons of domestic adoptions don’t apply the same to international adoptees. For example, open adoption. Sure, the APs can send letters and pictures once a month or year, but in all honesty, that’s not really “open” because in domestic adoption, “open” allows for visitations to some extent and actually having the original parents participate in the kid’s life. I’ve had people comment on my blog who say that they send letters and pictures once every few months to the agencies or orphanages, but who can confirm that any of those things ARE actually being passed onto Korean/Taiwan Mommy?

    No one.

    So even then, international adoptions don’t quite work that way.

    I wish international adoption didn’t have to occur. I mean, I can see people saying to me, “How DARE you?! Without adoption, I wouldn’t have my son/daughter! And what would all the other prospective parents do???”

    Newsflash: It isn’t about the prospective parents and what they’d do. A child’s job is NOT to fill in the lives of a family who cannot have their own. Sure, it’s great that a child CAN have a family by adoption, but in the end, it’s not about “omg what are the PAPs going to do!” It’s not based on THEIR needs – or rather, it shouldn’t be.

    I remember receiving a comment along the lines of, “This is naive. If adoption ever ended, what would all the prospective parents do? What about the kids that they want?”

    But shouldn’t adoption be about the KIDS, and not what the prospective parents want?

    It should be based on a child who needs a home – not about an infertile woman who knows she can be referred a child just because she happens to be unable to “have her own.” That makes it more about HER than the child – because if she wasn’t infertile, she wouldn’t be adopting in the first place. OR she would be adopting the child as the 2nd choice because the 1st option – having “your own” – isn’t available.

    I don’t care about reform in its entirety. There’s always going to be a need for adoption, whether domestic or internationally. There are always going to be mothers who cannot parent or who are convinced they cannot parent. There are always going to be adoption myths and children who are abused/neglected/starved, etc.

    Having a reform isn’t really going to change much except for allow access to birth certificates which still isn’t going to do much in the long run because adoptees are discriminated by their status of being adopted and therefore should be “grateful” they weren’t aborted.

    Having a reform isn’t going to change the overall perception of the way society deems adoption. Having a reform is a START, but I honestly don’t think it’s going to change much based on the mindset of the agencies, the P/APs and the varying viewpoints of the adoptees. There’s too many personal experiences, too many different situations, too many different perceptions of what adoption even IS to consider how a reform would affect everything.

    A reform – as some would like to say – is “anti-adoption.” People don’t generally want the system to be better as it would slow down the number of adoptions in order to make things more ethical. What is really ethical?

    Keeping the child with the mother IF possible.

    And “IF” should not indicate “Well, sh*t, she’s 17 so she’d obviously make a crap mother” or “She’s in Korea and she’s unwed so let’s see if the social worker/agencies can convince her that two Westerners can provide a ‘better life’.”

    Well, not literally. But you get my drift.

    I’m tired of the stereotyping – the assumption that a woman should just learn to “Keep her legs closed” or “abort the baby if you didn’t want to be a mother” or “she could have tossed you in a dumpster!” or “she abandoned you, if she REALLY cared about you she would have kept you!”

    Stereotypes like that.

    But that would require re-analyzing the way one views adoption as a whole. As Gershom once said:

    “Every single time someone who thinks adoption is “great” hears that me, an adoptee, is against adoption to the degree that I am, 9 times out of 10 the sentence following that is “oh, you must have had a really bad life.”


    Because what else is the option for them? To question their own beliefs on adoption being overall “good” and potentially have a falling out of everything they’ve put their hope into? Adoption is NOT a band-aid for infertility, childless couples, building families, saving children, abortion alternatives, etc. Adoption needs to ALWAYS be about the child, and the child’s well being overall.”

  4. One of the issues I have with the concept of adoption reform is that it seems to benefit only the adoptive family and the agencies.

    Two examples of reform proposals:

    (1) Proposal: forcing natural parents to submit detailed medical histories and to keep them up to date for life.

    This benefits the adoptive family and prevents agencies from being sued. The natural family does not receive any medical information in return – this type of info could be very helpful to the natural family, why are they left out of the exchange?

    (2) Proposal: allowing adoptees access to the original birth certificate.

    This proposal fails to give mothers access to the OBC (which many desire) and also fails to give mothers access to the amended version.

    Don’t they have a right to know what happened to their child?

  5. I’m anti-adoption. I love my adoptive parents, but I believe the institution of adoption is inherently corrupt and reform is therefore impossible. I have in the past worked to reform adoption on the state level. My experience made me very thankful I landed in the home I did. While my adoptive parents were noticeably afraid that my brother (also adopted) and I may someday return to our original families, they did at least acknowledge that we had a right to pursue that path if we wished. I hate to say it, but some prospective parents have absolutely no compassion for their planned adoptive children.

    It’s a wonderful thing when people take unwanted children into their home and raise them as their own. It’s truly admirable. Of course, they should be granted legal guardianship. And, of course, these children should be eligible as tax deductions. But the adoption industry is just that–an industry. It thrives on supply and demand, and it works to increase both. Adoption is the exchange of the title to property–human children. The rights of these children are completely ignored under the false premise of acting in their best interest. It is a fundamental human right to know one’s identity and to at all times (before and after adulthood) to be provided with access to that identity. That knowledge is always in everyone’s best interest. Adoption denies that right and in its place, provides the legal grounds to submerse the child in a world of illusion wherein one is expected to deny one’s own flesh and blood for social benefit.

    And we wonder why society has become ‘dysfunctional’ and the family unit is decaying.

  6. someone who is totoally anti adoption believes adoption is wrong in all its forms. I am pro reform but an adoptive parent. I am happy about my adoption, but see many adoptions where questionable ethics are performed!

  7. hi my names Eileen and iv a babygirl I had her tho but me and my fella want
    to adopted from Africa we woud love a baby boy 

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