People who are anti adoption, are there any exceptions to the rule?

Question by Emily: People who are anti adoption, are there any exceptions to the rule?

there are lots of people who don’t agree with adoption. so if you’re not going to ANSWER the question, keep your OPINIONS to yourself.
kate: What “rule” are you speaking of?
the person’s own individual agreement or disagreement regarding adoption policies and consequences.

Best answer:

Answer by ghost
There are no anti-adoption people.

Add your own answer in the comments!

Thousands of babies mostly girls have been adopted into Western families from China since the 1970’s when China implemented the one child policy. This is the…
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33 thoughts on “People who are anti adoption, are there any exceptions to the rule?”

  1. I agree whatever are you talking about?

    The exception would be someone who is a fool and keeps a child she clearly does not want.

  2. What “rule” are you speaking of? If you’re asking if adopted people who are against adoption ever support it in any scenario, the answer is yes, there are some scenarios where it is okay.

    Anti adoption people are against unethical adoptions and are for keeping families intact. We don’t believe it is any baby’s job to fill a void or provide any kind of service to infertile adoptive parents.

    We are against pre-birth matching, against overzealous, money crazy headlines, and pregancy crisis centers that preach relinquishment. We are for women making educated decisions, for supporting women who want to parent, and for legal guardianship while someone gets their life back together.

    As an adoptee I feel I have a good perspective of adoption and understand the complexitites of it, having experienced it myself. I do not respect those who have no part in adoption and are uneducated on the topic who say that it is “wonderful”. Nothing is merely “wonderful”, there are complex aspects to everything.

  3. Yes, there are exceptions. I support foster care and foster to adopt programs 100%.
    I am morally opposed to newborn adoption and international adoption, unless there is no family member to raise the child. I am opposed to these types of adoptions because they involve coercion, lies, big money, and sometimes kidnapping.

    http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=6963514

    http://abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/story?id=6958072&page=1

    http://www.abc.net.au/foreign/content/2009/s2493505.htm

  4. Our society whether you want to believe it or not have been “slightly” brainwashed into believing that separating families is a good thing. They have researched it and marketed it with such a subtle spin that everyone is missing the damage that is being done to those who ARE separated, those who surrender, and those who accept a child they can not bond with like they were told they could.

    I am not saying ALL adoptee’s do not bond with their parents, but some certainly do not, and this is heart wrenching to the parents who wanted nothing more than some one to love them like a mother or father. Those same people at the same time are being scammed out of tens of thousand’s of dollars to fulfill a dream that had been commercialized and its true results covered up.

    Adoption is no longer about helping a woman, who finds herself in a position she may not be able to handle for what ever reason. It certainly is not about helping a child find a home. It is a commercialized multi billion dollar industry. It’s a business, and in order to stay in business they need to separate families. Think about it. No babies no business.

    I am not anti adoption. Adoption will always be necessary, and it can be a good thing for those who really need it. But when a handfull of people realized how much money they could make off it, it quit being about finding homes for needy children and became a mission to separate families to line the pockets of those who have no heart felt compassion for those they manipulate.

    How many storeis have you heard of where the woman is distraught over her decision, changes her mind. This is not something to get angry over yet so many people do. NO ONE TOLD THEM it was going to be so hard. NO ONE TOLD THEM how empty they were going to feel. Instead they spin it and say how rotten those women are for spoiling another persons dream. That in tiself stinks of deceipt. Adoption was supposed to be about the children who need homes, now its about rotten women ruining someone elses dream? How can that be true if the child no longer needs a home.

    Don’t get me wrong, I have great empathy for people who want to adopt due to fertility issues. That’s why pre birth matching is so cruel. It’s not the woman who changed her mind that is cruel, it’s the industry who pre birth matched so they can keep track of their future income. Children are the last thing anyone should give away. They were never meant to be gifts.

    Adoption worked out for my daughter. she loves her parents, she was raised well, she lived a decent life. How could I be against something that worked out exactly as I had hoped? Adoption has gotten carried away with itself, or rather the people behind it have gotten carried away. No pre birth matching eliminates a lot of disappointment and heart ache. More counseling on how to raise a child and the programs available along with how much a woman is going to have to tolerate being away from her child is going to eliminate feelings of anger and being betrayed. Enforcing opened adoption is going to give more adoptee’s and first parents peace of mind and the ability to stay some what connected. It also helps adoptive parents have happier healthier children mentally.

    I’m against pre birth matching, uninformed decisions, and children costing as much as a starter home. I don’t see that as being anti adoption but if you do then so be it. I simply don’t like the system the way it is. It’s become corrupt.

  5. I’m going to exclude the issue of China’s adoptions because that’s a whole other topic.

    In cases of abuse or neglect, I do support adoption. I’m not sure how well guardianship would work because oftentimes abusive people do not realize how much harm they are inflicting upon their children. It’s not like they’ll say “Oh, I am abusing my child. I need to get therapy.”

    I don’t know if they realize how much pain they cause, or if they know they’re subconsciously “trapped” within a cycle of hatred and harm. That would be the problem. Even for those people on here that say “Guardianship is the only thing that’s needed until the mother stops being abusive/neglectful” – in terms of lives and secrecy, absolutely. In terms of emotional and psychological damage, though, I’m not so sure.

    I don’t consider myself fully “anti-adoption.” IMO it can have its good points – eg. child abandonment. Not every situation has a democratic choice.

    However, as Lori A says, it is built upon loss. Separation of mother & child. And I will tell you what I wrote in my blog:

    “Children are not meant to be abandoned. They are not meant to deserted. They are not meant to be abused/neglected JUST so they can be adopted.

    Mothers are not meant to carry their offspring for 9 months and then give it up. Mothers are not meant to carry babies for someone else. That is not how nature intended things to be.

    It is sometimes – IMO – inevitable that a mother has to relinquish her child, but that still doesn’t mean it was INTENDED to happen. It still does not mean a child was “meant” to be abandoned, or left in an orphanage, or abused, or neglected, etc.”

    Seriously, if mothers are not “meant” to carry, give birth and raise their own child – if adoption truly is “the norm”, then why do we, as human beings, have such a strong urge to produce biologically?

    Why do we, as human beings, feel wired to love and naturally protect of our own offspring?

    Because it’s nature.

    We are not “meant” to produce for others – that is why God gave us all the ability to procreate (before some of us lost that ability due to age or a medical condition.)

  6. From what I’ve been told by some people here regarding the adoptions we have done I’d say that for some people there are no exceptions. I even still have an email from someone regular here who told me point blank that my daughter would have been better off dying in the overseas orphanage she was removed from (and she was dying, wasting away when we adopted her at 8 months old and only 10 lbs or 4.5 kg). The words were, and I quote…”At least she would not have been violently ripped from her culture and her heritage to live with strangers in a strange land”. How sad to be that closed minded. An isolated case I admit (hope) but it shows me that some people are just that set in their ways.

  7. Exception to the rule: Abused children, toddlers, infants, and newborns. They are allowed to be adopted out especially if the mother refuses to get help. If a child is being neglected by not being feed, clothed, without shelter, and left alone without somebody to care for them. Abused if the child is being beaten, sexually molested, raped, or the parent is continually belittling their child or children and refuses to stop emotionally and verbally abusing their child then yes their children need to be taken a way and given a better life.

    Women should not be talked out of giving up their newborn or made to doubt their parenting skills so some other woman can have a baby. Not right not fair.

  8. I support adoption in the case of abuse, neglect, and parental death with no capable or willing guardian. I also support adult adoptions, because it is the CHOICE of the person being adopted.

    I do not support infant or *most* international adoptions. ( I believe that some IA can be a good thing, just not by your typical AP) for tha same reasons CantStopLinnyG said.

  9. Dear MLB,

    I don’t consider myself to be “anti-adoption” (I am “pro-reform”).

    I am ok with adoption as a SOCIAL SERVICE to needy children.

    I am ok with adoption from foster care in most cases.

    I am ok with TRUE orphan adoption.

    I am ok with adult adoption.

    I am ok with kinship adoption.

    I am ok with adoption of children who have CONSENTED to being adopted after it has been CLEARLY and THOROUGHLY explained to them.

    (I am OK with these things but would prefer guardianship be a viable option as well, and let the choice be up to the person who is being adopted or becoming a ward.)

    I am NOT ok with the following:

    *Sealed records and altered BCs
    *Closed Adoption
    *Pre-birth matching in Infant Adoption
    *Unenforceable “Open” Adoptions
    *Coerced Adoptions
    *Forced Adoptions
    *Illegal/Black Market Adoptions
    *Adoptions for Profit

    I am on the fence about step-parent adoption and international adoption. In general, I disagree with both practices but I concede that there are individual situations where it is done right and I cannot condemn them entirely.

    I am FOR Natural Family Preservation whenever it is possible and AGAINST any adoption practices that are exploitive, coercive, profiteering, dishonest and/or unethical.

    For me, adoption is FAR too complicated to make sweeping and blanket statements about the whole institution. I prefer to base my opinions on the individual circumstances of a particular situation. I have learned to base my position on the rights, needs and feelings of the ADOPTEE, first and foremost, and prefer to use that POV to determine what I think is right.

    JMHO.

  10. If being pro reform is being anti adoption then count me in as I am against adoption unless a child is an orphan and no family can take him or her in, abuse and neglect. I am against closed/sealed records as natural families and adoptees have a right to information plus adoptees have a right to their OBC.

  11. If the adoptee has given informed consent or if their safety would be jeopardized without changing their identity. (Like their father is Charles Manson or someone equally diabolical). Outside of that, no. Permanent guardianship is permanent. Inheritance and survivor’s benefits are two major drawbacks to permanent guardianship, and those laws can be changed.

    If families don’t have to be ‘blood’, then they surely don’t have to be paper, either.

    ETA: I should add, I agree that birth records should not be falsified even with adult adoption. If an adult wishes to disown their parents and claim new ones, it doesn’t change the facts of their birth. A separate adoption certificate should be issued.

  12. There is nothing about the adoption system as it is currently practiced in the USA that I can agree with.

    The adoption industry serves attorneys and unregulated adoption industry people who look to provide children for people who pay to get them.

    If children need to grow up in another home, then a legal process must exist for children to be placed with other people, safely.

    Children’s needs for a safe home should be the driving force in child placement..

    When I was growing up, I knew some friends who were growing up with relatives because their parents couldn’t raise them.
    In some cases, the parents were dead.

    These children were not adopted. They knew who they were, and they didn’t have fake birth certificates.I also knew kids who had legal guardians…again, no fake birth certificates.

    ETA: most of the adopted kids I knew growing up had difficulties with being adopted, and that was in the 1960s. Some of them were searching. The search group, ALMA, began around the late 60s.One of my adopted neighbors , a guy, killed himself. He was extremely bright, and never felt that he fit in anywhere.

    I see no reason why step-parent adoptions, or adult adoptions should involve fake birth certificates , but as I understand it, the same falsification can happen.

    No one should have the right to falsify a Vital Record.Birth certificates are supposed to stand for all time as a record of a birth, the truth.Once the birth certificate is faked, all Vital Records which follow an adopted person are false.

    What is the point of recording births(Vital Records) and other records if they are going to be falsified….

    Adoption in the USA is dishonest, does not serve children, harms natural parents, and is trafficking.It is an embarrassment to the USA.

  13. No, there are no exceptions to the rule.

    Anti means anti…. why would anyone anti have an exception? That would defeat the purpose.

    This doesn’t mean children who are being abused, neglected or have really (and I mean actually really… not alleged) been abandoned need to stay in unstable situations, just we need to find an acceptable alternative for these children.

    As I live in a country that offers alternatives to adoption then I believe that is what the world needs to strive for. If adoption wasn’t so shady and there were positives to it, there wouldn’t be a need for anyone to be ‘anti’.

    But why and how anyone could support anything that is a corrupt system based on lies, secrets, manipulation, loss, human rights abuse, a business venture where children havebecome a PRODUCT etc is beyond me. Its time to take off the rose coloured galsses and see adoption for what it truly is… that is the darkness behind those rainbows, ponies and pools.

  14. My son is anti-adoption Big time. I try to tell him that not all adoptions are like what has happened to him. But going through the hell he has over a couple and their adoption agency and the birth mother that didn’t want to lose some child support hidden the fact that the child that was being gave away was HIS to. The mother hid to give the child to her new boyfriend’s family out of state when the mother jumps from bed to bed it kind of hard to say who the father is.Try being in his shoes birth mother and adopted couples. How about knowing you have a child out their that you might not get to see and when you do it’s 18 months down the road. 5 court dates and pre trials and then the couple who knew at the hospital that you wanted your child walks in and say since we have had him since birth leave him with us. We are wonderful kidnappers. The story of all this is at this web site http://www.myspace.com/babymichaelhunter . And you think he’s the only one Yea right look over sea’s, Look under father’s fighting for their children.
    Now my views are if a child needs a home and is in foster care then great. These parents like the one I’m talking about that write on the paper work no child other than white and nothing wrong with it Great we want it. We don’t care if the mother doesn’t know what she is doing and the father doesn’t even know the better Go to —-.

  15. God bless the Westerns ! Im a Chinese myself, though, I wasn’t born in China, my family has been 3 generations living abroad. Many of us Chinese who are born abroad are feeling proud, not because of China, but because we are lucky enough to be born/raised outside China.

  16. John was telling the right thing. Because of the 1 child policy, they abandoned the girls and keep the boy. So both of you are actually right.

  17. Its very good for chinese kids to learn chinese but if not that then at least german because the vowels in german are pronounced exactly the same in chinese.

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