Q&A: What do you think about people who think everything is all about them?

Question by Selma: What do you think about people who think everything is all about them?
I’m talking about those people who think every time someone says something negative about adoption, it means they’re attacking adoptive parents. Or every time someone points out that sometimes bad things come of adoption, it means they’re attacking a certian type of adoptive parents (like international). Seems a little psycho to me.

This question really got me thinking about it. You know, sometimes people don’t have the medical information they need because of adoption, and when some people pointed that out, some other people took it personally, and acted like people were blaming adoptive parents. Do these people think that no one should ever point out that bad things come from adoption, or are they just loons who think everything is all about them?


No one even said anything bad about adoptive parents. The only people who even mentioned adoptive parents were the narcisistic people who got all up in arms over people pointing out that adoption can have negative effects.

Best answer:

Answer by Terry Wrist
i recon they are dickheads

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This is a personal story of a Russian Adoption and why an american family thought it important to bring home a seven year old girl.This video was produced by…
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26 thoughts on “Q&A: What do you think about people who think everything is all about them?”

  1. I must admit, I recently did something similar. My father was adopted and I found myself becoming bitter at my grandmother for refusing him the right to the information she had available in reference to his birth parent’s medical history. He’s recently been diagnosed with diabetes and hypothyroidism. I’ve come to terms with the situation and I’ve realized that people get diabetes all the time and are unaware that it may have been genetic. All I can do is support him and love him. Placing blame, in the long run, only hurts those who place the blame and I don’t condone that behavior.

  2. I think they have to justify their opinions and behavior at all cost. These are the same people who will call adoptees who dont like some aspects of adoption, “bitter, angry and ungrateful”.

    There is no middle ground for them.

    Its insulting to me, as an adult adoptee ,who has had cancer TWICE, and WAS denied my records, that people don’t think there is such a thing as “death by adoption”.

    Its also insulting to me that people who have the capacity to love more than one set of parents are labeled as angry.

    But, it makes it easier for them…because you are right- it IS all about them. They don’t want to hear anything but the good.

    ***ETA**** And, HappyMom, you JUST made her point. Slamming the system is NOT slamming ap’s.
    “Death by Adoption is a huge slam especially if you have ever witnessed a child die from Cancer.” Its not a slam if you are an adoptee with a rare form of cancer & you cannot have access to your first family & their medical history. ap’s CANNOT donate to thier kids. They are NOT related on a cellular level.

    “I just wonder how all the biological parents feel when they have a child die from cancer?”

    Just as devastated as ap’s do, but first parents do not have the added pressure of feeling helpless because no one could PHYSICALLY help their child.

    “It’s just too bad the loss of a child to cancer needs to be overshadowed by any bashing any way…” and I”t could have been a beautiful memorial of a little girl who died–but, had to turn into adoption being why….that’s all.”

    It’s too bad she died in the FIRST place. Did adoption kill her? Yes, it did. Because of records being closed, and the time it took to find her family, her death was a direct result of adoption. Do her parents feel any less devastated than a bio parent? Noooooo.

    Ummm, I think it’s too bad MY cancer overshadows MY life, and my childrens lives, and that I had to BREAK THE LAW to get my family’s information.

    Again, get with the program. It’s the SYSTEM, NOT THE PARENT. WHO is protesting too much?????

  3. I think:

    Thou doth protest too much!

    Each person sees the slam they see… Death by Adoption is a huge slam especially if you have ever witnessed a child die from Cancer. The mud slinging goes both ways as much as no one knows the full facts and details one persons agenda and choice of words can cause another person to be offended.

    I just wonder how all the biological parents feel when they have a child die from cancer? They aren’t reading the adoption topics because they have little interest but, I have to wonder how offended and what kind of knee-jerk feeling they might have?

    I personally, agree with 99% of the anti-adoption positions and I fully support open records (and made sure to do so by helping very hard to see Oregon Open theirs) As the mother of Children with an Adopted Father who had only half of my children’s medical history I too know a little about that part of the issue… Where I see a problem is when everything is turned into a negative. In every way…

    I didn’t answer the question you pointed out because I found the statement that was made “Death by Adoption” to just be a slam… It was by the very nature intended to Make a negative statement and it’s very easy to become defensive…

    As a parent who might be raising our adopted children we do tend to behave like the “mother-hens” we signed up to be–perhaps the reaction is simply the fact that parents really do want to protect their children from negative feelings–and as a mother hen it is difficult to see a statement of “death by adoption” and not go into protection mode…

    some people might want to take a moment and understand that most parents are a little protective of their children… If someone made a racial slur about our child’s skin I am sure we would react–If someone called our child fat–we would react–If someone implied all females are stupid we would react to protect our child…

    I think some forget that Parenting is Way more then just how we got to the point of parenting… For most adoptive parents the process and facts about adoption become less important then being a parent and many of us would just like to do the best we can parenting our children..

    Personally, I would find it far more upsetting if I didn’t see Mom’s and Dad’s reacting to comments and statements we believe undermine our position in our children’s lives… We understand that things need to be changed–understand that Adoption has negative facts but at the end of the day when we kiss our children good-night we tend to be Parents First and how we got here is something between us and our child…

    As you may see some parents reaction as psycho–some parents see these statements as much the same. Saying death by adoption can’t say anything Nice about those parents who adopted and certainly doesn’t say anything nice…

    It’s just too bad the loss of a child to cancer needs to be overshadowed by any bashing any way…

    I am sure if I post about the 14 year old adopted girl who killed her adoptive mother with a hammer—that some people would find a way to bash someone… and around here it would likely still be the very fact it was adoption that caused the loss of a human life… Couldn’t possibly have anything to do with say, some kind of mental illness…

    When you point out adoption as the evil then how would you expect an adoptive parent to respond? It’s as if an adoptive child who gets a splinter only suffers because he/she was adopted–and apparently bio child must suffer less–and of course die from cancer far less often!

    I think it’s very sad that here with such a wonderful format the loss of a beautiful little girl had to turn into yet another slam fest–both ways… but, on that question I don’t see the answers having started with any slamming other then the answer that Of Course it is just another example of how adoption kills an innocent child… and that in My Opinion is where the slamming started… It could have been a beautiful memorial of a little girl who died–but, had to turn into adoption being why….that’s all.

  4. I’m an adoptive parent, I also answered in that question. I do find it hard to see any child die of cancer or in still birth, drowning in backyard pool. All of these deaths are a tragedy. I have tears in my eyes still from the pictures of the children that died in the recent fire storm that swept through Victoria Australia. I wouldn’t know from looking at those pictures of they were adopted or not. Only that they died to soon without a chance of being saved from it. Its simple I love kids. I want a child to have a chance in life and a hope of a future. Their young lives were cut short way too soon.

    And as a mother I want to throw my arms around my children to protect them from it even something I might not have any control in such as cancer or a bushfire.

    We take the good with the bad, joy with the heartache when we become parents and that goes for first mothers and adoptive mothers. First fathers and adoptive fathers. (and we’re ALL are guilty of thinking its all about us. When it comes to adoption.)

    I didn’t read anyone saying that adoption records should remain sealed in any answer.

    BTW- Just so I wasn’t misinterpreted in my other answer I wasn’t saying adoption is bad, just the lack of openness that might have helped speed up the finding of a donor. But even then its no guarantee of survival.

    Happymom- I didn’t want repeat what you said and you have so many great points in your answer.

  5. I think it might have started with my comment. I was in no way slamming anyone about adopting. I was slamming sealed records. and there ARE a lot of people who just don’t think it’s important. Hence my comment, they just don’t get it.

    Anyone who knows me knows I’m not excited about adoption and what it does to people, but have always admitted that it worked out for my daughter. It’s a good thing she didn’t have any serious illnesses over the years or it might have turned out differently for her.

    I simply don’t understand how anyone can not see that medical info is important for everyone, and your adopted ancestry isn’t going to amount to a hill of beans if it ever gets serious for your kids. That doesn’t mean I am against adoption, but it is a huge side effect, and the only reason it is, is because someone felt there was a need for all the secrets. Didn’t think that one all the way through if you ask me.

  6. it’s easier to paint others as “bitter”, “mean” or anti-adoption; than to look in the mirror and admit that someone’s child *might* have come to them them through unethical means.

  7. People often respond with anger and defensiveness about things which they feel guilty. I would suspect that a lot of the people who feel attacked by an innocent statement like that, which is undeniably true, actually have some very strong, unresolved guilt feelings that are triggered by remarks like that.

    To suggest that adoption didn’t factor into that little girl’s death is disingenuous and simply not true. There have been MANY adoptees who have died, as there are mothers, due to the sealed records so Death By Adoption is a valid statement, no matter who it triggers.

  8. To be blunt, I think that when you publicly and angrily call them out about it by asking this question, you aren’t being dramatically more mature.

    We’re all smart enough to draw our own conclusions about whether our fellow posters are acting self-entitled, and I don’t really see the point of holding a superiority party about it.

    Honestly, this question comes off as extremely petty and self-promoting. I don’t disagree that it happened, but posting “Wow, look how much better I am than THEM!” questions kind of takes away from your point that you ARE better…

  9. I know the person who made the “death by adoption” statement. I know her character to be kind, supportive and compassionate. I do not believe at all she made this statement as an attack on adoptive parents. I, personally, would have interpreted this statement to mean…..not knowing information about a child’s first parents in adoption can led to such a tragedy. A fact about current adoption practices and a side effect that could occur because of it.

    I also know the person who may have been on the defensive. Her character is compassionate, supportive and kind as well. I believe as an IA parent, you are naturally on the defensive here. More from people who know nothing about adoption and pop in to voice their disapproval of international adoptions.

    Maybe a bad day, maybe a misunderstanding, i’m not sure. What i know is one answer isn’t enough to label someone, anyone as anything. I would offer the benefit of the doubt here. We all need it from time to time. I’m guilty of this myself.

  10. annagitana1 — The statement you made concerning one of the reasons Russia
    is a popular adoption nation of choice is that Russians look similar to
    Americans is really a dumb thing to say. For one thing, there is no such
    thing as an American look. Secondly, there is no such thing as a Russian
    look. If by looking American or Russian you mean White, well, that’s also
    false. Not all Americans are White. Many are Black and Mixed (Brown).
    Russians, although overwhelmingly White, I’m sure a few are Black, and some
    are Mixed (Brown). Your statement does not make any sense and is not valid.

  11. I was looking to adopt from, Russia. Unfortunately, the current Czar
    thought it would be better for children to remain in these horrible, cold
    orphanages than to allow them to go into safe American homes. I would’ve
    given at least one of them a good healthy life. Putin won’t have that.

  12. @mihanich Russia is not more popular than China or Korea. Americans adopt
    from countries where there are available children and where the government
    allows adoption by foreigners. People here are drawn to Russia in part
    because the children look similar to American children. But also, because
    the orphanages are so horrible there and they want to rescue a child from a
    hopeless future. We don’t have orphanages here where kids rot because they
    are deemed undesirable.

  13. Thats not polite at all. I was trying to be helpful, you are bitter, but
    you shouldn’t try and feel justified by your rudeness.

  14. Wow!!! This video made me cry!!!!!! I def. feel called to orphan work
    somewhere!!!!!!!!!!! My heart aches for them!!!!!!! <3

  15. I am 22.I am single mother.My son is nearly 2.Since the very young age i
    have been volunteering in orphanage places.And i am planing to adopt couple
    kids.Sooner or later i will do it.God bless those kids.

  16. And second of all who wouldnt want a healthy child? Alot of people do not
    have the health insurance where they could even afford the healthcare for
    sicker children or children with disabilities. Think before you post. And
    again of course you cant choose your child they send you a referel for one.
    I know several people who have done it.

  17. This is a beautiful piece… how is Galya doing now? I notice she
    understands enough English to answer you, yet she is not saying yes or no!

  18. True! However when you are very young, you are left with no choice but to
    pick up a language quicker for obvious reasons. Once you have mastered your
    ‘mother tongue’ there could be a tendency to be lazy when studying another
    language. At what age this tendency starts is really my question.

  19. @Charles2337 that’s because some single guys (not you) are creeps. So
    because of those perverts, a guy with honest intentions doesn’t have a
    chance. It’s unfortunate.

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